Navigating Grief And Infant Loss

Finding Hope

As we are sharing our Parenting Tips blog series with you, we realize that there’s an important topic that we must touch on and that’s the loss of a child. For those who've experienced the profound loss of a child, the back-to-school season can be especially challenging. During prayer meeting today at UCB Radio our hearts went out to an anonymous person who asked for healing and prayers for his family. It was not just two weeks ago that during a routine prenatal appointment that an ultrasound revealed that their baby’s heart had stopped. This loss is unimaginable for many of us, but for some it is very real. It’s the kind of grief that’s hard to put into words and even harder to navigate. This blog is here to offer a bit of comfort and share a story or two from those who have walked this painful path. It is a space where we can share and find a bit of light in the darkness.

Brandon Lake Miracle Child

Popular Christian music artist Brandon Lake touches on this topic in his song “Miracle Child” (see the official YouTube Music Video below). His mother experienced recurring pregnancy loss before giving birth to Brandon. Through her strength, Faith and resiliency, Brandon was born in God’s grace.

His lyrics say:

“I shouldn’t be alive
My future was six feet under
One foot in the grave
No hope to be saved
I shouldn’t be alive

But I’m a miracle child
Defied every diagnosis
And as close as it came
I can stand here and say
I’m  a miracle child”

Risen Motherhood Podcast

Our friends at Risen Motherhood Podcast in UCB's Hope On Demand touch on this subject in their April 5, 2023 podcast. Nancy addresses the typical grief patterns after a mom has lost a child. “It’s our grief that keeps us feeling close to our child so there’s a sense that grief is in agony and at the same time it’s comfort...It keeps us from wanting to feel better [because] its what keeps us feeling close to our child. It’s important to realize that the child who has died really can’t gain anything anymore from all of the energy that you’re pouring into the grief, but maybe there are other people who can gain from that energy.”

She continues to say that for parents who have other children, its important to make the decision to let the living children know that they are worth living for. “In order to do this one must allow the grief to lesson it’s hold on us.” Children can sense that they’ve lost not only a sibling, but also their parents to grief. The living children wonder if their parents can ever find joy in the fact that “I am here”. These are challenging things for grieving moms.”

“A day is going to come...that you are willing to allow grief to lesson its hold on you. A day must come if you want to have joy again and if you want to have something to give away to the living.”

A solid foundation in God has helped Nancy navigate through the grief. She says that “God is in control for my good and His glory.”

Listen to the entire Risen Motherhood podcast episode:

Close to Home

The loss of a child is felt very close to home here at UCB Radio. For Jamie, one of our Community Promotions Specialists, this loss is very real. She lost her daughter Brooke, who was stillborn at 34 weeks. She mentions that she was still fairly new to Faith and still learning about God and trying to find her relationship with him. So, it was very difficult for her to understand why God, who is supposed to love her, would take her daughter from her. She kept blaming herself and wondering why she deserved this seemingly unsurmountable loss. Jamie says that “I have been broken and crushed in spirit.”

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” ~ Psalm 34:18

“We have to get sick. We have to lose a job. We go through divorce. We have to suffer with the disease of addiction. We have to bury our spouse, parents, best friend, or our child because in those moments of desperation, God is breaking us. When the breaking is done, then we will be able to see the reason for which we were created...When God uses grace to break you, it means He is about to add favour in your life."

Jamie has shared her story with others who have experienced the same sort of loss and the response she has received has been unbelievable. She can see the impact her story had on them, “like a boulder had been lifted off their shoulders. They felt safe to share and they knew they were not alone.”

“Now, I feel blessed to have been chosen by God to be gracefully broken”

How To Ease The Pain of Grief

Losing a loved one is one of the most distressing and, unfortunately, common experiences people face. According to the Mayo Clinic, “most people experiencing normal grief and bereavement have a period of sorrow, numbness, and even guilt and anger. Gradually these feelings ease, and it’s possible to accept loss and move forward.

We all have different ways of dealing through the grieving experience. There are four stages of grief. If you’re unable to move through these stages then you may have complicated grief and may need to seek treatment to help you come to terms with your loss and reclaim a sense of acceptance and peace.

The four stages of grief are:

1. Accepting the reality of your loss
2. Allowing yourself to experience the pain of your loss
3. Adjusting to a new reality in which the deceased is no longer present
4. Having other relationships

The Mayo Clinic specifically lists three ways that may help with the grief that comes with the loss of a loved one.

Talking. Talking about your grief and allowing yourself to cry also can help prevent you from getting stuck in your sadness. As painful as it is, trust that in most cases, your pain will start to lift if you allow yourself to feel it.

Support. Family members, friends, social support groups and your faith community are all good options to help you work through your grief. You may be able to find a support group focused on a particular type of loss, such as the death of a spouse or a child. Ask your doctor to recommend local resources.

Bereavement Counseling. Through early counseling after a loss, you can explore emotions surrounding your loss and learn healthy coping skills. This may help prevent negative thoughts and beliefs from gaining such a strong hold that they’re difficult to overcome.
 

Conclusion

As we navigate the back to school season, it's important to remember that each family's journey is unique, and the emotions felt during this time can vary greatly. For those who have experienced loss, acknowledging these feelings and finding support can be a vital part of the healing process. Leaning on friends, family and your faith can strengthen your love for the life that was lost, the life of those around you as well as our love in God. Even though the path may be long, every step you take, no matter how small, shows the strength of your love and resilience. Over time, you’ll find that your child’s memory can still bring comfort and a sense of connection that helps you move forward.

Inspired Sources: UCB Radio's Risen Motherhood Podcast, Mayo Clinic