Loving Our Children But Not Liking Them Sometimes

A Faith-Inspired Reflection

As parents, we often hear about the boundless, unconditional love we should have for our children. This love is a deep, abiding force that propels us through sleepless nights, chaotic mornings, and endless challenges. Yet, what about those moments during the school year when, despite our deep love, we don’t particularly like our kids? It’s a reality many of us face, and it’s okay to acknowledge it.

Love Is A Commitment

Love, in its truest form, is more than just a warm, fuzzy feeling. It’s a commitment, a choice, and often, a daily practice. In the tapestry of parenting, there are days when our children’s actions or attitudes may test our patience and understanding. They might act out, push boundaries, or simply be in a phase that feels grating. During these times, it can be hard to reconcile the love we feel with the frustration we experience.

As Christians, we are called to love others as God loves us—unconditionally and compassionately. This divine love is not contingent on our behaviors or achievements; it simply is. Yet, the Bible also acknowledges the complexities of human relationships. For instance, in Ephesians 6:4, we are encouraged to bring up our children in the “training and instruction of the Lord,” which implies both a loving nurturing and a necessary discipline.

Faith-Inspired Reflections

So how do we navigate the waters of loving our children when we’re not feeling particularly fond of them? Here are a few faith-inspired reflections to guide us:

Remember the Bigger Picture:

Love often requires stepping back and seeing beyond the immediate frustrations. Our children are on their own journeys, growing and learning. Sometimes, their behaviors reflect their developmental stage, their struggles, or their need for guidance. Just as God sees the full picture of our lives, we can strive to see beyond the current moment and focus on nurturing their growth and character.

Practice Patience and Grace:

Just as we seek God’s patience and grace in our own lives, extending these qualities to our children can be a transformative practice. When we feel overwhelmed, it’s helpful to pause and pray for patience and the ability to respond with grace. These moments are opportunities to model the same forgiveness and understanding we hope to receive.

Seek Support and Wisdom:

Parenting is a journey filled with highs and lows. Seeking support from faith communities, mentors, or counselors can provide valuable perspectives and encouragement. Sometimes, sharing our struggles with others can reveal new ways to approach challenges and reinforce the importance of maintaining our love despite difficulties.

Embrace Imperfection:

Love does not demand perfection—neither from us nor from our children. Recognizing that it’s okay to have moments of frustration allows us to address issues without feeling like we’ve failed as parents. By accepting our imperfections and those of our children, we can foster an environment of growth and learning.
 

Find Joy in the Journey:

Even in the midst of challenging times, it’s important to find and celebrate the small victories and joyful moments. These instances can serve as reminders of why we embarked on this parenting journey in the first place and help us reconnect with the love that underpins our efforts.

Raising Kids in a Troubled World

I read an interesting devotional recently in UCB's The Word For You Today daily devotional, written by Bob and Debby Gass about Raising Kids in a Troubled World (June-August 2024 Issue, page 8). I’m including the entire passage because it specifically touches on the topic of “guidance versus criticism”, which speaks nicely to our initial question about how to properly love our children while not particularly liking them at times:

If you have a placid, agreeable, and compliant child who enjoys school, homework, and doing household chores, bringing “them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” will be a joy! (Ephesians 6:4 NIV). Many of us, however, are given assertive, strong-willed kids with their own agendas. These kids know what they want and when and how to get it. They also know what they don’t want to eat, wear, hear, say, and do! And parents of these kids need help in building the kind of relationship that creates trust and allows for mutual discussion and respect in a tug-of-war atmosphere.

The devotional continues to say that:

"When normal conflict arises - and it will - it’s tempting to become overbearing or frustrated. When you shout, insult, or humiliate the child, you lose sight of your parental goal of guiding and training. This leaves them feeling angry, disempowered, uncertain of themselves and you - an invitation to rebellion. But if you guide your child as one who is on their team, with patient practical help, links will be forged that encourage compassion, trust, and mutual respect."
1 Kings 7, 2 Chronicles 4

In the end, loving our children while grappling with moments of dislike while your children are in school is a part of the broader, beautiful experience of parenting. Through faith, patience, and grace, we can navigate these challenges and continue to offer the unconditional love that our children need to thrive. After all, as we strive to embody the love that God shows us, we can find renewed strength and inspiration in our daily interactions with our children. Embracing both the love and the trials of parenting allows us to grow, not just as parents, but as individuals committed to nurturing the next generation with unwavering faith and compassion.

Inspired Source: UCB's The Word For You Today